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Here’s to new moon, new beginnings, new changes, new adventures. Here’s to everything I’ve dreamed about for the past two years but didn’t have the resources to manifest. Here’s to making shit happen. Here’s to new friendships, prosperity and experiences. Here’s to letting go of the past no matter how painful, here’s to letting go of all the memories of people fucking you over. Here’s to letting them curdle in their jealousy and animosity towards you. Here’s to forgetting the people that got in the way. Here’s to starting fresh. Here’s to long walks and inner reflections. Here’s to the healing power of nature. Here’s to not feeling guilty about a goddamn thing. Here’s to you and me. **Disclaimer: I know that vagina is not an anatomically correct way to refer to ‘down there’ and that most of this story actually references the vulva itself. I thought about just calling it my V monologue, but that seems so non-descript. I also thought about calling it my pussy monologue, since that is actually my favorite way of referring to my kitty but…I didn’t. I called it my vagina monologue since it was inspired by a show I saw recently for the first time called, The Vagina Monolgues.**
If my pussy could talk, she would have a lot of stories to tell. She would try to start off from the beginning. She’d tell you about how good it felt to hump teddy bears as a kid. She might tell you about being ignored for several years after a molestation. She might tell you about my mother teaching me to rub vaseline on her (my pussy) to soothe the resulting bladder infections. She might tell you about being woken up again around puberty. She might tell you about all the sex she’s had, with women and men, both paid and “for free” (because nothing is really for free). She would tell you about one night stands, long term relationships, private paid sessions, being felt up onscreen…being kissed, licked, fucked and sucked. She would tell you about being shaven, being hairy, being trimmed. She might tell you about the musky smell that her proud owner enjoys so much. She might complain that I masturbate too much…might…though it would probably be my right wrist complaining about that. She might tell you about being spread open over and over again in front of a webcam. She might tell you about getting fucked on a porn set. She might tell you about the days when she was so wet, when she wanted so much, she was dripping her juices down my leg and throbbing, aching, pleading, begging to be touched…
and comparitvely the days when she feels real dry and how she gets sick of her lovers taking it personally. She’d say her most favorite lube was hathor aphrodesia and how long that took to discover it. If my pussy could talk…she would probably say take more time. Go slower. Enjoy every little sensation I have to offer. Don’t rush to the finish line, enjoy the journey there. She’d tell you that when she’s pre-menstrual and bleeding are her favorite times to get fucked rough from behind. She’d tell you about how one of the sexiest moments she can ever remember is when she was going to hook up with a girl that she was madly in love with, and how she happened to get her period right when they were supposed to devour each other and how she told this to the girl and the girl said “a little blood never hurt anyone…” She would tell you about how I was embarrassed about her big, meaty lips and did all I could as a teenager to tuck them in. She would tell you about the time I learned to love my pussy, my butterfly lips, my hair, my smell. She would tell you how porn did that. She would tell you about being photographed and videotaped and broadcasted and shown off to a hundred million people. She would tell you how she’s been praised and heckled, worshiped and abominated. More or less for the same reasons. Hairy and natural, big lips…too hairy, roast beef lips. She’d tell you how she doesn’t really see the difference sometimes, that while of course she favors being praised, it just seems like the same mentality but reversed. She would say, all pussies should be praised and valued, whether shaven, hairy, full lips, no lips, uneven lips, musky, sweet, sour, tangy, salty…its all good. She would tell you about learning how to ejaculate. Learning how to push out when climaxing rather than pulling in. She would tell you about how proud she is of all of the big, wet, juicy spots she’s left behind. She would tell you about how she doesn’t favor one type of orgasm over the other. She would tell you that she likes being squirted on by other women and feeling cum inside her. She would tell you that she enjoys enveloping* a swollen hard cock and feeling a soft tongue explore every nook and cranny. She would probably tell you, that though this hasn’t been the most comfortable ride at times, she wouldn’t change a damn thing because she’s pretty sure that she’s one of the most loved pussies in the world. She would tell you that sex work hasn’t harmed her in the least, its saved her, made her more aware and conscious. She would say that humanity needs to learn to get out of their heads and into their bodies more. That masturbation should be considered a form of exercise, that sexuality is an art and a dance and more people need to get creative with it and more experienced around it. She would say that although good sex can be about connection and passion, that people have better sex when they’re experienced and know what they’re doing. Experiential education is key. She would say, “Why not be prepared when your perfect lover comes along?”.
If my pussy wore clothes, it would probably dress just like me, favoring sun dresses and long flowing skirts without panties to let the breeze through. Really though, if my pussy could talk, I would probably open my mouth. Because my pussy is really me and I am her in the same. We can’t be separated. While there are many issues surrounding female genitalia, the real issue is with the way humanity regards femininity itself and those issues are projected in between our legs and they penetrate our hearts and minds. If my pussy could talk, it would probably say, I appreciate all the attention, people, but I’m attached to an entire woman, if you really want to please me and make me cum, you’ll experience my body all over, you’ll take your time, you’ll know that a full body massage is actually the perfect before-foreplay and that sexuality is a holistic experience (although quickies are great at the right time She’d probably say my entire body is my sex organ, you should treat it that way.
The Vagina Monologues have been through a lot of feminist controversy. I thought it was pretty funny, albeit hetero-normative. I think they should have put a little more educational information in the show and I didn’t like how the only sex worker represented was one that serviced women, while thats pretty rare and I appreciate hearing that point of view, I would have liked to see someone represented that services men or even couples (as many do). I think that they probably chose a sex worker that services women so that “feminists” could accept hearing a sex worker’s point of view about sexuality. If anyone knows of any other shows that are awesome and open and sexual, please feel free to suggest them in the comments *Thanks Eryn for the idea of enveloping a penis rather than being penetrated by one.
What does it mean to be vulnerable? To be exposed? I’ve been accused of putting myself out there too much by some, but for some reason I don’t feel vulnerable about anything I post or write on here as I do when I actually like someone. The embarrassment or downside of exhibition could never compare with the pain of being let down by someone that you trusted, over and over again. But what is the solution? Be a dried up, negative, grumpy dude and carry around a bunch of emotional baggage? I’m turning 23 in two months but sometimes I feel so old, like I’ve seen and heard and experienced way too much. Sometimes I envy the lightheartedness of my peers but I’m so addicted to the knowing, knowing the inside of someone, seeing their metaphorical guts spill out in raw emotion (or cum) that I don’t think I could give it up. I like the openness of this work the most. Sometimes I feel like the grinch or scrooge. No shit. Because I’m superstitious about liking or counting on anyone but myself. Its all going really fast these past few weeks and I’m wondering if I’m at that stage in my life where everything is supposed to zoom by, the same recurring warning that I get from elders. “It goes fast.” “The meaning of life is, it ends”. I want to feel vibrant and alive and in love with humanity, because that is what I am right now. There is no sense in walking around with a bunch of cynicism because people are assholes. This blog is narcissistic and a wee bit commercialized, but for some reason I feel like the more I put out the more I figure out or interact or get opinions on. Say what you want, but don’t be a douchebag because my honesty makes you feel insecure. I am human and thats ok, I’m not totally perfect or the hottest earthiest sex Goddess all the time and thats ok too. “Our flesh and blood Celebrate we will -Dave Matthews Band – Two Step  video still taken from 'Sunset on the Jetty'
Yes YOU! Thank you, readers, and Feck for making this adventure even somewhat possible. I am almost ready to leave, I have a few more equipment purchases and storage and bills bills bills to pay off! I appreciate all of your support. I have one month before I go, if you’d like to support me further here are the ways you can do so: 1. Join I Feel Myself, I Shot Myself or Beautiful Agony from these links. Not only are these totally rad alternative porn sites but they are unique in that they offer their contributors a royalties program, without this program I would have not been able to do this trip. So please, sign up today and search for ‘Sequoia’. I am ever so grateful to Feck for starting this program and I wish every adult company would follow their lead. Thank you, Feck! 2. Call me on Niteflirt for a conversation or sexy webcam show! 3. Purchase my clips from my clips4sale store: http://www.clips4sale.com/store/34468 4. Buy a custom DVD from me! $100/10 min scene
5. Join any of the porn sites listed in my Links section !
As always, I sincerely appreciate everything. Thank you readers and Feck for making this possible. I really need it. Meet my strap-on:
Anybody wanna play? My strap-on was a gift from a financial slave I had for a little while, I was supposed to throat fuck him with it, but things just didn’t work out… Now, I model my strap on for my Niteflirt customers. Its still a virgin though, as far as in real life use goes
Its fun to wear and I like the feeling of it’s weight around my waist. I think if it was a real cock, I’d spend a lot of time entertaining myself making it bounce around in circles, like a helicopter
So why is this post called Surrealist Cock? Well, Furry Girl has launched a new site recently called ‘Cocksexual’ and one of the questions she asks of her models in their bios is “If my cock were the embodiment of a famous person, it would be…” and mine would be Salvador Dali, notorious surrealist artist.
I love Dali’s flair for the bizarre and unapologetic ego about the brilliance of his work. He would definitely be my strap-on alter ego!
Hell yeah! So if you like cute chicks and strapons, check out Cocksexual.com
 Angela from ISM says: "I'm so glad that my folio could come in the nick of time for you! I wish you good luck in the debates that you're facing. I'm not an apologist for the entire industry but I can say from personal experience that porn is not inherently evil, degrading or dehumanizing! I LOVE expressing and sharing myself sexually AND I'm a committed feminist with a BA majoring in Gender Studies!" So I’m not really sure how to handle this post. I saw this movie with a group, so part of my review of the movie is kind of lumped in with the group’s reaction. A week or so ago, the Night Heron grassroots activism center aired Price of Pleasure: Porn, Sexuality and Relationships which had a bunch of assholes in it, including my arch nemesis. When I first saw that they were playing that movie at the Night Heron, I assumed (stupidly) that they were going to slam it, kind of like when they showed one of the first movies at the White House that was totally racist. I knew I was wrong when I walked into the door and was immediately WARNED that I was about to witness potentially disturbing footage. “Of porn?” I thought to myself. I knew I was definitely wrong when she she stated happily that she loves Robert Jensen and Gail Dines. I knew I must have been crazy to think that these people would be open minded enough about an industry they know NOTHING about when I watched one of the girls hiding her face and cowering at PORN. But just in case they weren’t knowledgeable enough about the porn industry, I decided to make a good porn list and print it out for them. When I passed the list out after the movie, these kids couldn’t WAIT to get this list out of their hands while laughing like typical middle-schoolers. So a group of people that are obviously embarassed by open sexuality are trying to have a discussion about pornography (the display of human sexuality on film, no less) and I’m the asshole. Yeah ok. This documentary sucks for many reasons. The journalism is a joke, if I didn’t know better I would think that its produced by Fox News, because they’re always “fair and balanced”. Not to mention outdated, the host of the event said it was made in ’05, which in porn years is pretty old. The industry has changed a lot since then, they didnt’ mention Sasha Grey or Queer Porn or anything else that is fabulous that porn has to offer. Alot of the scenes were taken out of context, that many of those scenes feature BDSM. They showed a couple of kink.com’s sites, but only the ones that feature male domination and female submissives even though the same site features male submission and female domination! The host of the event actually had to ask me what BDSM meant. Yet here she is leading this group to join other anti-porn groups and she doesn’t even know who her enemy is. She is not familiar with sexuality enough to recognize the styles of an alternative lifestyle group. She is ignorant and yet she’s trying to “stop porn culture”, in MY TOWN. She doesn’t watch porn, but she wants to put me out of a job WITHOUT exploring the alternatives of a WIDE AND MULTI-FACETED INDUSTRY. I abhor that kind of ignorance. Especially when it affects my wallet. Because, you see, I am not an upper- Its not just about the money aspect of it, in one segment of the documentary Gail Dines states, “Just because I’m critical of McDonald’s doesn’t mean I’m against food!”. Then why is your organization called “Stop Porn Culture“? Why not start something? Or “stop rape culture”? Censorship of a subject has never gotten anyone anywhere. The problem is in our culture, those scenes wouldn’t sell if those ideas weren’t already present in our culture. If we started first by giving GOOD sex education to our youth, society would demand the porn industry to make a better product! So now I’m being chastised because during the documentary one of the “former porn performers” that they interviewed said something to the effect of “If the only thing a girl can do is shove toys up her hoohah, thats pretty sad” and I couldn’t help myself when I blurted out “What a fucking cunt! I cant’ believe she just said that!”, because it was offensive. The majority of my income comes from the internet and people either paying for my time on cam or buying my clips in which I’m masturbating and “shoving toys up my hoohah”. I think my line of work is much more honorable than being some corporate grunt, telemarketer, office bitch, POLITICIAN or what have you. But now, people that didn’t even bother attending the event are writing me and Hawk to tell us how rude and offensive we were during the event EVEN THOUGH THE PERSON HOLDING IT WAS TOTALLY OUT OF LINE WHEN SHE MADE SEVERAL STATMENTS ABOUT HOW WOMEN WHO THINK ITS EMPOWERING TO BE A SEX OBJECT ARE STUPID, “oh yes and they’re trying to convince women that pole dancing is empowering, if the patriarchy hasn’t won that round, hahah”. That same person wrote me, after I commented on Hawk’s blog post about the event and said she wants to get together so that she can learn about sensitivity issues. Its not a sensitivity issue, lady, its your fucking whore stigma thats the problem. I’m so over this discussion, I’ve made my point several times to several people. I’ve written and rewritten this post in my head several times because I care about my message that much that I want people to get it. But its become obvious after listening and talking to many people they don’t want to get it, they’re happy in their little bubbles of ignorance. One person told Hawk in an email that we’d missed a great opportunity to share the beautiful side of the pornography industry, but here’s the thing: I offered at the end of this discussion to have a good porn night, I came there with my material but the person I was speaking to about it seemed mad hesitant to give me the go ahead. Its ok to have one offensive and controversial film that downs an entire industry and is totally insulting to its performers, but Goddess forbid if you’re actually happy with your job and want to share that with people. I think it would be useful if people wanted to actually learn about the big bad world of porn to ask a PORN PERFORMER, someone that has worked in the industry for a while (*cough cough* ME) in alternative and mainstream porn.
In closing, I would like to say that just because I’m for the porn industry in all of its glory does not mean I condone virtual child porn or am against women’s rights or for the degradation and humiliation of women (unless, of course thats your kink). What I am for is more sex education starting younger, like elementary school. Our culture needs to recognize that sexuality is very important and that your sexuality touches ever corner of your life. Education doesn’t hurt anyone and a more intelligent culture will demand a more intelligent product. Porn didn’t invent racism or degradation against women, those elements were already alive and aware before they started appearing in porn. Porn is simply another capitalistic enterprise that makes its dough off what the consumer wants to see, its simply a mirror of our culture. If you don’t like the way you look in the mirror, you don’t smash it, right? p.s. If anyone is up for a game of bingo, please give me a call! Fish Eating Creek is a two million acre old growth cypress tree swamp.We went camping there with a friend a week or two ago, so I figured I’d share the photos. On this piece of property, there were wild citrus trees growing that were planted by the Seminoles a hundred or so years ago, so I took a bunch home. its amazing to see the difference between wild oranges and conventional ones. Cypress trees are now my second favorite tree. Someday I will make pretty porn here, just a matter of getting back. I’ve been putting off publishing a lot of posts because I’ve been lamely procrastinating…but also busy…editing and making some dirty, filthy PORNO! First, I did do the interview with Tre Arrow, and I have published the first three parts on youtube (subscribe to my channel, yo!). It was an hour long the first time we interviewed and almost two hours long the second time we interviewed. I just need to go through and edit it. Instead of teaching myself how to use an audio-editing program I’m simply sticking with what I know, which is craptastic windows movie maker. Second, this grassroots activist center I’ve been hanging out at decided to air The Price of Pleasure: Porn, Sexuality & Relationships, which was really lame and totally one sided. But what really sucked was that people were agreeing with alot of the opinions presented in the totally one-sided “documentary”. I went down to see it thinking that hopefully they would know differently. Blog post coming soon about that (I swear!). Third, I went camping at Fish Eating Creek! It was awesome! The weather down here has been crazy cold and overcast, so my garden is mad struggling. The only thing thats doing pretty well is the chard. Now I’m off to the beach to practice setting up my tent. This blog has been a good thing, I think. I’ve met a lot of amazing people from the internet because of it. But sometimes it can feel a bit like I’m talking to myself. I look at all of the people suscribed to my RSS feed and I wonder, who are you guys? I was surpised to see all of the hiking advice and stuff, because I had no idea the people that read this could be hikers. So, please in the comments tell me:
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"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there..." -Rumi
  See me on my webcam!     • See over a dozen teachers speak about sexuality, spirituality, and the role of the Sacred Prostitute in history and today • Learn about different cultural traditions of sacred sexuality in ancient and modern times • See teachers working with individuals, couples, and groups • Learn about the historic and mythological Mary Magdelene • Hear practical advice for those called to do this work    December 17, 2009 is the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. How will you commemorate it?
 
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