my ‘vagina’ monologue, but its really all about the vulva
**Disclaimer: I know that vagina is not an anatomically correct way to refer to ‘down there’ and that most of this story actually references the vulva itself. I thought about just calling it my V monologue, but that seems so non-descript. I also thought about calling it my pussy monologue, since that is actually my favorite way of referring to my kitty but…I didn’t. I called it my vagina monologue since it was inspired by a show I saw recently for the first time called, The Vagina Monolgues.**
If my pussy could talk, she would have a lot of stories to tell. She would try to start off from the beginning. She’d tell you about how good it felt to hump teddy bears as a kid. She might tell you about being ignored for several years after a molestation. She might tell you about my mother teaching me to rub vaseline on her (my pussy) to soothe the resulting bladder infections. She might tell you about being woken up again around puberty. She might tell you about all the sex she’s had, with women and men, both paid and “for free” (because nothing is really for free). She would tell you about one night stands, long term relationships, private paid sessions, being felt up onscreen…being kissed, licked, fucked and sucked.
She would tell you about being shaven, being hairy, being trimmed. She might tell you about the musky smell that her proud owner enjoys so much. She might complain that I masturbate too much…might…though it would probably be my right wrist complaining about that.
She might tell you about being spread open over and over again in front of a webcam. She might tell you about getting fucked on a porn set. She might tell you about the days when she was so wet, when she wanted so much, she was dripping her juices down my leg and throbbing, aching, pleading, begging to be touched…
and comparitvely the days when she feels real dry and how she gets sick of her lovers taking it personally. She’d say her most favorite lube was hathor aphrodesia and how long that took to discover it.
If my pussy could talk…she would probably say take more time. Go slower. Enjoy every little sensation I have to offer. Don’t rush to the finish line, enjoy the journey there.
She’d tell you that when she’s pre-menstrual and bleeding are her favorite times to get fucked rough from behind. She’d tell you about how one of the sexiest moments she can ever remember is when she was going to hook up with a girl that she was madly in love with, and how she happened to get her period right when they were supposed to devour each other and how she told this to the girl and the girl said “a little blood never hurt anyone…”
She would tell you about how I was embarrassed about her big, meaty lips and did all I could as a teenager to tuck them in. She would tell you about the time I learned to love my pussy, my butterfly lips, my hair, my smell. She would tell you how porn did that.
She would tell you about being photographed and videotaped and broadcasted and shown off to a hundred million people. She would tell you how she’s been praised and heckled, worshiped and abominated. More or less for the same reasons. Hairy and natural, big lips…too hairy, roast beef lips. She’d tell you how she doesn’t really see the difference sometimes, that while of course she favors being praised, it just seems like the same mentality but reversed. She would say, all pussies should be praised and valued, whether shaven, hairy, full lips, no lips, uneven lips, musky, sweet, sour, tangy, salty…its all good.
She would tell you about learning how to ejaculate. Learning how to push out when climaxing rather than pulling in. She would tell you about how proud she is of all of the big, wet, juicy spots she’s left behind. She would tell you about how she doesn’t favor one type of orgasm over the other. She would tell you that she likes being squirted on by other women and feeling cum inside her.
She would tell you that she enjoys enveloping* a swollen hard cock and feeling a soft tongue explore every nook and cranny.
She would probably tell you, that though this hasn’t been the most comfortable ride at times, she wouldn’t change a damn thing because she’s pretty sure that she’s one of the most loved pussies in the world.
She would tell you that sex work hasn’t harmed her in the least, its saved her, made her more aware and conscious. She would say that humanity needs to learn to get out of their heads and into their bodies more. That masturbation should be considered a form of exercise, that sexuality is an art and a dance and more people need to get creative with it and more experienced around it.
She would say that although good sex can be about connection and passion, that people have better sex when they’re experienced and know what they’re doing. Experiential education is key. She would say, “Why not be prepared when your perfect lover comes along?”.
If my pussy wore clothes, it would probably dress just like me, favoring sun dresses and long flowing skirts without panties to let the breeze through.
Really though, if my pussy could talk, I would probably open my mouth. Because my pussy is really me and I am her in the same. We can’t be separated.
While there are many issues surrounding female genitalia, the real issue is with the way humanity regards femininity itself and those issues are projected in between our legs and they penetrate our hearts and minds.
If my pussy could talk, it would probably say, I appreciate all the attention, people, but I’m attached to an entire woman, if you really want to please me and make me cum, you’ll experience my body all over, you’ll take your time, you’ll know that a full body massage is actually the perfect before-foreplay and that sexuality is a holistic experience (although quickies are great at the right time ).
She’d probably say my entire body is my sex organ, you should treat it that way.
The Vagina Monologues have been through a lot of feminist controversy. I thought it was pretty funny, albeit hetero-normative. I think they should have put a little more educational information in the show and I didn’t like how the only sex worker represented was one that serviced women, while thats pretty rare and I appreciate hearing that point of view, I would have liked to see someone represented that services men or even couples (as many do). I think that they probably chose a sex worker that services women so that “feminists” could accept hearing a sex worker’s point of view about sexuality.
If anyone knows of any other shows that are awesome and open and sexual, please feel free to suggest them in the comments
*Thanks Eryn for the idea of enveloping a penis rather than being penetrated by one.
27 comments to my ‘vagina’ monologue, but its really all about the vulva