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I am human
What does it mean to be vulnerable? To be exposed? I’ve been accused of putting myself out there too much by some, but for some reason I don’t feel vulnerable about anything I post or write on here as I do when I actually like someone. The embarrassment or downside of exhibition could never compare with the pain of being let down by someone that you trusted, over and over again. But what is the solution? Be a dried up, negative, grumpy dude and carry around a bunch of emotional baggage? I’m turning 23 in two months but sometimes I feel so old, like I’ve seen and heard and experienced way too much. Sometimes I envy the lightheartedness of my peers but I’m so addicted to the knowing, knowing the inside of someone, seeing their metaphorical guts spill out in raw emotion (or cum) that I don’t think I could give it up. I like the openness of this work the most. Sometimes I feel like the grinch or scrooge. No shit. Because I’m superstitious about liking or counting on anyone but myself. Its all going really fast these past few weeks and I’m wondering if I’m at that stage in my life where everything is supposed to zoom by, the same recurring warning that I get from elders. “It goes fast.” “The meaning of life is, it ends”. I want to feel vibrant and alive and in love with humanity, because that is what I am right now. There is no sense in walking around with a bunch of cynicism because people are assholes. This blog is narcissistic and a wee bit commercialized, but for some reason I feel like the more I put out the more I figure out or interact or get opinions on. Say what you want, but don’t be a douchebag because my honesty makes you feel insecure. I am human and thats ok, I’m not totally perfect or the hottest earthiest sex Goddess all the time and thats ok too. “Our flesh and blood Celebrate we will -Dave Matthews Band – Two Step 29 comments to I am human |
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bitter was the word I was looking for the entire time I was writing this, but just remembered it now. bitter.
sequoia,
why so vaklempht? something has happened to shake you up i think… regardless of how you feel, you are still 23 and that is a beautiful thing because – from my experience – the world IS your oyster by virtue of your relative youth and because you are a searcher, and savvy, one of these days you will open a door to lasting happyness…. it may sound trite, but i can see it for you… yep, i can… ok? ok….
My best friend (who’s about a year older than you and me) has been feeling kinda similarly lately. Maybe it’s just that time of life, to feel disillusioned and bitter. I dunno…
I have a lot of respect for you though, for living as you choose rather than as you’re told to, and for having such integrity and honesty about who you are. I think in the long run that will serve you well, and will be what gets you through times like this. Taking some time to reconnect with nature certainly wouldn’t hurt either, ne.
I totally agree with you though about the most vulnerable and exposing thing being to like or love or depend on someone. I’ve always found that the people who can hurt me the most deeply and easily are the people I love the most.
Also, on a lighter note, you’re gorgeous, and I *love* that photo! (^_^)
Sure, life goes fast, but you seem to be enjoying it, and making it full of insight, experience, and your choices. That’s awesome. People will keep on disappointing you, but the thing is, we can’t expect perfection – we have to forgive others and forgive ourselves and keep trying again. Doing for others provides lots of meaning, as does time with others, as does time with a secure self.
Here’s the comment on the “thought for the day” for March 23 by Eknath Easwaran, the fellow who developed the meditation practice that I follow: “Even one unassuming man or woman leading a selfless life, though he or she may live only a few years on earth, enriches all life for all time to come. Even if one person in a community is leading a selfless life, he will make his contribution, and she will slowly inspire others to make the same contribution, because human nature responds to such an example.” It sure seems from your entries that you’re much more selfless than selfish, and have folks around you and in the comments that you’ve affected in myriad positive ways. You’re wonderful in many ways, and I have no doubt that you’ll go past/through bitterness to something strong and serene. Heck, you did that by the end of the post.
Enjoy the Trail. I’m pretty envious! Will do it someday, and if not, well, life keeps throwing wonderful things in the way to take its place, right?
You’ve got a better head on your shoulders than most people I know, and most of them are a lot older than you are. You’re just fine the way you are and I wouldn’t change anything.
Life DOES go fast, that’s true. Live it to its fullest every chance you get.
And I agree with Lanthir – that picture is awesome!
I think you’re providing a wonderful example of how to live beautifully. Thanks for sharing your insightful words and that amazing photograph.
Marry me hon. Ill make the world your oyster. Barring that, do you like oysters? Cant stand those lil balls of snot.
Want me to be real for a moment? Beware all of the mindless foot-kissing sycophants youve unwittingly surrounded yourself with. If youre not careful someday youll end up choking to death on all the smoke these lonely guys are blowing up your skirt. You know Im only saying this because I care. In this life people get what they deserve. Always, and in all cases. The only real, true, happiness in life is in the helping of others. All else is drivel. That is what you will learn, one way or another. Learn it soon hon, you are precious and deserve to be happy.
Peace and Love
DAYBREAK
Very very well said.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Sequoia Redd, Jessie Ngaio. Jessie Ngaio said: RT @SequoiaRedd: I blogged about being human: http://sequoiaredd.com/blog/2010/03/i-am-human/ [...]
It is your honesty and inquisitiveness and desire for truth and knowledge that are your best assets — don’t ever lose those gifts, even if they make you or others uncomfortable from time to time.
Today, you make me thingk of this :
“It’s all over now, baby blue…” (Bob Dylan)
Thanks for Dave Matthews Band. I’ve never heard of them before.
I love that song!
Wow, You look very stunning and very beautiful. You are a work of ART.
Yeah, I told you that it goes fast and the meaning life is that it ends so you would push to have the life stories that you said you want to have. You left out the part about the meaning of life where I said “Live it now”
Life prep isn’t proven until needed. You’ll be the work of art when you do your self assigned test (the trail) and the bitterness is replaced by resolve.
Oh beautiful lady… If only you could stand on the outside and look in at yourself, you would see just how goddamned amazing you are.
I am on the other side of the world, 2 years your senior, watching and reading you breathless at your ferociousness, your lack of fear and just flat out inspired by you.
Everyone gets a little jaded sometimes. We can’t always love everything, everyone and ourselves – it’s these times where we learn how to appreciate the times where we are giddy with joy.
Also, when you do live your truth, there are some that just can’t stand to see your happiness thriving from doing what is right for you. Don’t allow others narrow mindedness get you down.
*love*
Fuckin humans. I will never understand you!
Soham, Soham…
glad you figured us out enough to use the internet and leave rude comments there, khan.
sequoia, you are the art already! and we all get so much from it. may the universe give it all back to you and may you be safe and healed and inspired in your journey. i want to go with you.
You are definitely human, which means that you have earned the right to be a b_ _ _ _ every now and then. I love every bit of it!
How to make human society evolve in a “good” way. That is the eternal quest of thoughtful humans. It ain’t easy. And, yes, it’s bitter a lot of the time.
In answer to your twitter post, well, one of the parts is not possible, but the other is: Everything’s going to work out well. You radiate so much good that some must reflect back.
I for one admire your honesty and unapologetic assertion of you as who you are.
I actually think honesty can be a type of defense mechanism as it disarms people. It’s also the way I wish everyone would strive to operate.
Rock on, Ms. Redd.
It’s not the right thing to say but I feel like humans are the most disappointing species on the earth and it would be wise to send our love instead to sunsets and big skies, they be far more deserving. You are about to hike away the bitter with sunsets and big skies and I confess to envy. So many good lucks beautiful lady.
What? Rude? Don’t understand my sense of humor davka? ओम शान्ति ओम
keep the peace. my blog is not the place for internet flame wars.
Sorry Sequoia. I got a little feisty when she said I was being rude to you. That was never my intention so I took offense to her comment. It won’t happen again. ओम शान्ति ओम
I mean, Sequoia is the first nude artist I did not objectify. So back off when I try to make a stupid joke. Ok
human. explain for me human.
I think you’re human. Seems a lot of religious bigots & hypocrites don’t. They think you are badass, but then again, who the fuck are they to denigrate and judge a chick who’s not ashamed of her sexuality when for the last 2000 years the christian church has been raping and molesting kids and the sad fact is, that a lot of religious people who where aware of all this crap happening, turned a blind eye to it. You can bet your socks that any relgious scum who puts shit on you has a relative only one or two generations back who touched kids up, we never caught, and more than one person in the family was aware of it, but chose to “let it slide”….if you’re not fat or realy ugly, then you are beautifull…who wants to look like paris hilton, she has a big honker and a big head, like OJ simpson, lol.
we never caught= WAS never caught >:)