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thoroughly disgustedIn the last day or so I have recently found out that two important people in my life are utter and total hypocrites. One I kind of knew about already, but they’re recent behavior has pretty much cemented their status in my mind. The other, completely blind sided me. What is completely ironic about these two individuals is that to the rest of the world, they’re upstanding citizens, doing the “right” thing for the “right” people with the “right” job and the “right” way. They get positive confirmations from the dominant culture because they went to school, went to church, worked for the corporation, worked for the ministry and they are branded successful by their peers, even though they’re both total fucking liars, hypocrites and completely different people in private. Once when I worked on yacht charters as a server/bartender, we had a convention for the big boys of Chevron. This was during my pre-porn/pre-stripping days, I was aware I was attractive and that I could use that as a tool, but I still wasn’t sure how and I didn’t know how to hustle or empath these men. But, I knew enough to wear tight, black, pencil skirts with a slit up the side and black lace thigh highs that the right someone would be able to see because I knew this strategy would make me good tips. All night I had been hearing comments from these men, I wasn’t sure how to direct their attention, so it was pretty much just an exercise in observation. Towards the end of the party for the big boys at Chevron I was clearing up the table in front of one man and he reached out and grabbed my forearm. He wanted to know what nationality I was (a common question I get, no I am not Twatina or HIGH-talian) I told him that I was Cherokee and Scottish. He went on to try and convince me of how enlightened he was because he did all of this research once upon a time into Native American culture and blah blah blah. Then he asked me if I was going to school for anything and I said I already did. He asked what I went to school for and when I replied massage therapy, he had the audacity to snicker in my face. This asshole, who, with the aid of his cronies, is literally RAPING the planet for an unsustainable resource has the AUDACITY to laugh in my face because I went to school for a healing art? FUCK YOU. This is the attitude that the two people I’m attempting to vaguely refer to, have held about me in the long time spans I’ve known them. They both act as if I’m so low and common because of my sexual history because I didn’t go to a “real” college, because I don’t have a “real” job, because basically I don’t do what society tells me I’m supposed to do… because I do what I want. But they’re “good” people, whilst one that has paid me for my services also rants to children about JESUS and the other has gone to school, gotten the “real” job but has also fucked for drugs. But I’m the awful person. I’m the common whore. I’m the uneducated peasant. Well at least I have the courage to be my whole self to the world. At least I have the decency to try and be open about myself, at least I have the decency to not act righteous above others and pretend to abide by a dogmatic system that I, myself do not. At least I don’t look down on someone else for sex work whilst I fuck the local drug dealer for a bargain. This country is run by hypocrites, the laws are written by hypocrites…everything of importance is run by hypocrites. They want to pretend like they don’t do drugs, curse or fuck (especially not the same sex *gasp*) in public but behind closed doors its a completely different story. They’re insecure assholes that want to prevent the world from having too much fun, because people are easier to control that way, especially when you make them feel ashamed about normal human functions. Especially when you instill a system with standards that only a small percentage of people can attain, but the rest are supposed to try and scramble to achieve. So, thanks for reading my blog. You can go back to your MTV, CNN, Fox news, Budweiser, Marlboros and McDonald’s now. Don’t forget about Jesus!
20 comments to thoroughly disgusted |
 "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there..." -Rumi 
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Nice Blog. Dont blame Jesus. He loves sex. Blame those dumbassed christians who still worship that piece of crap old testament. Have a nice day.
Peace and Love
DAYBREAK
Well…
There’s nothing worse than people who believe they are the only “right” people, who have “God on their sides”…
In France, on the very day the bill legalizing abortion was passed at the Parliament, a memeber of that Parliament, who voted against the bill, was paying for the abortion of his grand-daughter in a private hospital.
He was a “good” man, going to church, etc.
Best love to you.
Sadly it’s only going to get worse with this nonsense:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036677/vp/34985508#34985508
Sad the utter deference we give corporations and monetary success…
FWIW – I have found that when this happens it is really because the people are unhappy with themselves.
It is not about you – it is about them. Whether they understand it or not – they see something in themselves that they do not like. They cannot bring themselves to face this so they choose to be in denial about their behavior. Then they see you and this triggers their guilt about their behavior.
They cannot admit to themselves that they are behaving the way that they are – so they blame you.
Once again – it is not about you – it is about them not being able to admit to themselves that they are doing thing (or have done things) that they tell other people not to do. This is what you are seeing as their hypocritical behavior.
Please try not to get upset about what is basically their dislike of themselves.
Just a thought.
These people are seriously sad excuses for human beings. I’m pretty sure they only target at you like this because they hate themselves for their own hypocrisy. They believe desperately they should be living up to these bullshit ideals but know that they don’t. But they think they’re at least better than you because they have the decency to hate themselves for it, whereas you simply discard their bullshit belief systems and choose your own path. Even on your worst day you’re probably happier and more content with your life than they ever will be with theirs. It almost makes me feel sorry for them – almost.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Nicky Chaleunphone and SequoiaRedd, Edward Lewis. Edward Lewis said: RT @SequoiaRedd: NEW BLOG!!!! thoroughly disgusted – http://sequoiaredd.com/blog/2010/01/thoroughly-disgusted/ [...]
I only wish courtesans like you were common. You seem extraordinary even in that fantasy world.
And to me, the word “whore” isn’t at all a bad thing. I agree with your view. You give pleasure for money. Others (e.g. the people who should have sunk with that boat) *take* unpleasantness for money. Having never met or experienced you, I can only guess at this, but you seem to take the experience beyond the physical act. Thus I replaced “whore” with “courtesan”, although that’s really just a dodge around other peoples’ negative connotations.
There are so many things about people that terrify me. The belief that pleasure is worthless is one of the worst. You give me hope, along with other writers (anonymous and not) who may help people grow and embrace all of life. The change will not be fast and likely not in our lifetimes. But you and others keep hope alive. Someday, the good will triumph.
working this biz has given so much insight to just how bankrupt the american dream is. the people who succeed in it are totally repressed, living multiple lies at once, married to complete strangers, and unable to recognize themselves in the mirror. They know it. They come to us for some salvation from that and then act like assholes if called out whatsoever. You are better than them, living authentically and differently. You will experience more love, more genuine interconnections with people, animals, plants, the earth in general, your eyes will see more beauty in each hour of every day more than they see in their entire lifetimes. They are like the voodoo Zombies or Hungry Ghosts of the Tibetan realms. You know it and I know it and it just sometimes makes you want to scream when our sick, very very sick dominant culture upholds them as “good,” “successful,” and “right.”
The American soul is just as bankrupt and needs the Sacred Lovers more than ever.
This illustrates perfectly the “freedom” I speak of when I talk about how freeing sex work is. It allows one to step outside of society (if one isn’t already there) and gain an honest perspective on it. Unfortunately, the two big side effects of this freedom are that it’s hard to reinsert one’s self into society afterwards (assuming one wants to) and it makes sex workers a mirror, a reflection. Society does not like what they see in the mirror. You’re experiencing some of those effects of being a mirror. Often, we’re non-consenting mirrors. And when we deliberately mirror back, we’re called “angry.”
Oh, and I LOATHE those “not a real job” comments about sex work. If it’s such a non-real job, why aren’t they doing it? Doesn’t everyone want to make money without having to “work” at it?
XX
You have risen to a higher Jedi plateau. There are higher plateaus. The Force is with you. Be proud and tranquil.
That’s a brilliant rant. Too much hypocrisy in the world and it needs to be exposed. Actually, Sequoia, I’m confident that you’re the one who’s smarter, more aware of the implications of your actions and concerned about the future not the instant gratification of getting, having and consuming. Don’t ever change!
No, no, never change young Jedi Sequoia! For if you do, your clients will look like Jabba the Hut and Wookies, only wanting you to use your light saber strap on. May the farce be with you!
More power too ya!
Hey Sequoia – how have you been? Long time no talk…err type. Wondering how things are going for you and how you are making out with learning news things with the website. I don’t know if you remember me (JTV) but if not its all good!
Take care and keep up the good work! =)
Hey Sahara sweet, I see by your blog that hypocrites piss you off…they piss me off too, but I really believe that most slugs who look down on other people–for any reason—are doing it to make themselves feel better. Because they are insecure, fucked up, jealous, don’t have the BALLS to do what you’re doing and they’re worried what Mommy will think. I have this thing about live and let live, and walk a mile in my shoes, and so on. Society as a whole is spoon-fed such unadulterated bullshit from first grade onward, it’s a wonder anyone thinks for themselves anymore. I called you a free spirit once before, perhaps on your forum page or somewhere, and that is the sincerest compliment I can give you. Your T3 with Julia B was one of the hottest and most sensual couplings I’ve ever seen–don’t you let the bastards grind you down, girl!! One thing I do when someone looks down their nose at me is consider the source. If they haven’t done what I did or aren’t doing what I’m doing, their opinion about it ain’t worth shit.
You are a wonderful, beautiful, all natural woman…..don’t ever lose faith in yourself, and trust yourself above all others; your head and heart will guide you true.
Affectionately,
a long time admirer, Swindapa…:)
You have more class than ninety nine percent of the people in the world. Don’t sweat the hypocrites. They’re losers. The more open and honest you can be, the happier you will be.
Oh, darlin’, as the daughter of a central Texas deacon growing up surrounded by IBMers, many many oil-gas people, lawyers, doctors, ministers, political types, with so much important placed on the correct careers, the church attendances, pro-family (but did they treat those family members very well, oh no!) and seeing at a very young age, the absolute schizy-deadly results of that life…I ran back to my family in the Bluegrass and never looked back. My family is generations of horse people, and farmers and I never understood why my parents embraced the hyper-religious, spend spend spend lifestyle but they did. Texas can be a very scary place and I lived near one of Chevron’s refineries in West Texas…oh lord, the damage, the destruction, the ugliness. But hey, they make money!
These people now frighten me more than almost anything. They can be truly dangerous when thwarted or threatened. It took me a long time to see that but I do see that now. They lack courage, they lack self-awareness and they are sadly in love with the surface of things: A distorted mirror made of other people’s opinions.
Why are they like that? I seriously wonder but I applaud any person that is brave enough to live her own life and live it passionately!
Take care,
Jae
I hate the concept that you’re not successful in life unless you went to, and graduate from a “real” school (ie, college). I really do. I know people who went to college, graduated, and still live with their parents, or work 40 hours a week at a job that they hate and do mindlessly.
Yet I know people who went to school for massage therapy, or to become a chef, or who didn’t go to school at all (maybe some training intensives) to do what they do, and they love what they do, they love their work every day, they love their life and giving back and healing and helping and being a positive part of society. How the fuck does this make them failures?
Congrats on being able to see through their bullshit, and realize that YOU are the sucessful one.
I wish I could be less cynical, but while the individuals in your story repulse me, they don’t surprise me one bit. Worldly success comes from fucking people over and not being found out. Those people may be co-workers, clients, the general public, you – the point is to use them for your own success. Vicious lies and hypocrisy are normal, possibly even laudable, in our societies (UK where I am, as well as the US)
Fortunately the worth of one’s life does not have to be measured in worldly success. It can be measured in strength, joy, integrity and love. You have a life without much worldly success because you have all these qualities. They have sacrificed them for money.
Obviously the one who rants about Jesus must have sacrificed love and joy because – looking at it from a “normal” society point of view – he needs to pay to get laid. Now who’s the failure?
xxx
Another very perspective post from you. We all have our hypocritical moments, but these men are judging you and others by standards which they themselves cannot uphold. I agree with you that it is better to live by real standards than to suffer with unrealistic ones. I know that you will make many new friends as you go through life, and many of them will rise to your own standards of authenticity as opposed to hypocricy.