where I’m at right now
I am not a workaholic at heart. It’s not my nature, nor my style. I got into sex work for the honesty in the profession and for the financial freedom and because I like feeling sexy.
But here’s the thing, I’m working a fuck of a lot and not getting anywhere, mostly in part because of the economy, my lack of savings (apart from Feckshare) and ability to financially plan.
I got into sex work so that I would have time to do other things, not so that I could just disappear into the void that is the internet. But here I am doing just that.
I’m sitting in sweat pants and I haven’t showered or worked out today because I’ve been busy planning, marketing and putting up listings on EBANNED for my used panties. Wow, what a way to spend a day.
I took two weeks off from escorting to spend time on my body and me. I felt like my energy was getting scattered and that I wasn’t cleaning house enough after appointments. But I’m still not satisfied. I keep getting this feeling like I just want to lay in the dirt, I want to bury myself in it. I need the ocean (but there’s been tons of man-of-wars lately). The only thing I can translate this to is a need for nature (duh).
A week or two ago I decided that it was time to do something major. This just isn’t working. I take escorting appointments, I do cam shows on niteflirt, all for what? So I can pay rent and keep on doing that? Where’s the acheivement? What’s the point?
Don’t get me wrong, I love my work, all of it. But I’ve never seen the point in just working to work. Just working to pay the bills and keep going without having anything put away, no breaks, no adventure, no creativity (apart from how you market your used panties?)….ugh.
I’m not a fan of the rat race that is consumerism. I don’t see a lot of sense in accumulating a bunch of stuff so that you can pay for the space so that you can keep working to pay for more stuff and then a bigger space. Not my style.
I’m not balancing my life enough right now, its all work and no play, which makes Sequoia a grumpy bitch.
So I’ve narrowed it down to possibilities and here are my choices: save up for a VW bus and drive ANYWHERE (but thats another bill), go back to Australia to make more cool porn and profit, or go hike on the Appalachian trail for six months and disconnect.
I’ve settled on the trail. I’m going to be training for it for a couple months and then in March or April I’ll take off to Georgia to do it.
I’m done with just getting by without any fun. Yes, this is spoiled and privileged of me, no sex work is not SUCH a bad place to be stuck.
But I’m not happy and I’ve spent the past couple years making other people happy and horny and fulfilled. It’s my turn now, bitches.
If you’re feeling generous and would like to contribute, here’s my wishlist, most of the things added recently have to do with the trail and any one of them would help out alot: http://amzn.com/w/3FDTU18A57428
I’m still keeping the blog and I’ll probably still post stuff while hiking, so this isn’t a goodbye or anything, just a shift in gears, I suppose.
(and garden blogs are on the way…)
36 comments to where I’m at right now