Comments on: SDC – "Swinger's Dating Community"

By: Wantingagain

Wantingagain — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 02:55:49 +0000

Yeah, I am a member of SDC as well. I have read your and Hawk’s blogs and comments. Always amazed at the negative attitudes and comments which are thrown at you. ALWAYS amazed. Have you thought about AFF? It is a bigger community… some bullshit you will have to deal with, but I have been very lucky to meet some great people and wonderful friends.

I followed this link to find you here on a blog comment on SDC.

I am very unhappy with the blogging community there. I am a blogger on AFF and love it and I think with time you may meet some fantastic people there. SDC is great for meeting real couples in the lifestyle, but there does seem to be some attitude flowing around there in blogland and through the cliques which have developed. I tried posting my own blog and everyone went so far off topic and openly criticized me, other commenters that I was truly amazed and in awe at the negativity when we are suppose to be a community which promotes the idea of free expression and why does it need to stop and start with sex.

You can offer opinion without bashing. I do not mind disagreement, but the way some opt to express it floors me. I am new to reading the blogs on SDC and do not know any backstory if there is any… BUT damn, it seems like you are a target regardless the topic etc etc etc.

Good luck to both of you….

By: Younger than you and on SDC

Younger than you and on SDC — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 16:23:26 +0000

Your werido ego-maniac aged ‘boyfirend’ came on SDC and had a pop at just about everyone in the blog. So nobody there (about 1000th of the people on SDC) took well to you two.

DEAL WITH IT (and stop blaming everyone else for your ineptitude).

Oh.. there are plenty of other swinger sites out there since you dislike SDC so much.

By: Jake

Jake — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 22:32:32 +0000

Ha ha this could get confusing the Jake above isn’t me.

Anyway, I might be wrong but I think your boyfriends reluctant to get into polyamory because he fears losing you (it does happen) , where as swinging is just sex with no emotional involvement.

By: sequoiaredd

sequoiaredd — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 22:28:03 +0000

thank you so much everybody for your detailed and thoughtful responses!

By: jake

jake — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 08:42:16 +0000

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By: laroo

laroo — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 22:25:17 +0000

We are monogamous but have been searching for a while for something that I don’t even know if it exists. Basically down to earth average people that want to be sexual together without the swing. We’ve searched and if we do find something close to that, it seems pretty seedy.
I think you have happened to run into a few select that can’t handle being themselves or handling the fact of how you live your life. I bet there are people out there for you, and hopefully people out there to mesh with us.

By: Peaches

Peaches — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 17:33:39 +0000

I don’t know much about the poly lifestyle, because my girlfriend and I are monogamous, well sort of I mean we do have this “friend” but we hardly get to see her cause she lives in another state, but when we do….well, you know : ) anyway, I do think I know a little about women, maybe those ladies are hating on you because you’re much younger and much more beautiful than they are so maybe that makes then jealous or something. I donno. You shouldn’t let people like that get you down, like you said, “fuck em” and stay true to yourself…

By: Advaya

Advaya — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 14:17:51 +0000

My boyfriend and I are have also discussed polyamourous relationships and are having a hard time branching out after being monogamous for six years. It has less to do with sex, and more about how we will deal with the issues that arise in any relationship times how many people make up our extended relationship. I don’t think I would look into the swinging lifestyle though as a way to go there, for the reasons you mentioned and Mike mentioned. I think it is more about relationships than sex, but swinging seems to be sex but rather empty (for lack of a better term). I’m not passing judgment on it, I totally understand the sexual frustration and need to “closet” things, but there has been a vast difference in the approach my poly friends and my swinging friends have taken towards looking for those relationships. Poly’s almost seem to have more rules, because they want fairness and understanding in relationships, a sense of fullfullment in all aspects rather than just the sexual. If you are looking to meet people online, there are some places that allow you to put “open” as your relationship status. My best friend met her partner on okcupid.com and they are in a wonderful poly relationship (not without it’s own initial issues, but ones that are much easier resolved considering the want for resolution rather than just getting off).

I’m not sure this helped :/ Sorry

By: Mike

Mike — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 13:29:01 +0000

I suppose it’s possible that your boyfriend’s approach could work out, but I don’t know – the poly community is always saying that swinging is about sex and polyamory is about relationships. I think it’s reasonable to expect that the people in the swinging community are more there just for fun and not much else. It seems to me it may end up being a dead end for you.

By: sequoiaredd

sequoiaredd — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 02:26:44 +0000

hey mike,

thanks for the in depth response, i really appreciate it. i am interested in the polyamory thing much more than the swinging, but for some reason my boyfriend has this mindset that energetically getting started in the swinging community will help us meet more likeminded individuals, but i’m very skeptical about this considering our rocky start and the people the swinging community has to offer…which couldn’t be farther from my “type?”